I get a lot of emails about how to tell if a husband is cheating. But, believe it or not, I also sometimes have people ask me how to tell if their husband ISN'T cheating. In other words, what does a happily married, monogamous husband look like, and how can you tell if you have one? I'll tell you in the following article.
Your Husband Is Possibly NOT Cheating If: He is what he appears to be. Men who are happy at home don't give off the weird vibe that their mind or their heart is on something or someone else. He likes for you to be by his side when possible and he includes you when he can. He has nothing to hide. He willingly gives you the passwords to his emails (or allows you to share one). He doesn't crouch in front of the computer late at night with the door closed when he should be being intimate with you.
He doesn't mind you borrowing his cell phone because there are no unknown or suspicious numbers or contacts on there. He welcomes you to come by the office at any time. He confides in you. He trusts you. When he looks at you, his eyes light up. He knows that you are his shelter from the storm and he doesn't keep stressors or secrets from you. He doesn't have a secret life outside of you. He allows you to pay the bills if you feel like it because there is nothing to hide. If you participate in online banking, you can log on at any time.
You feel strongly bonded to him because you know that you're his focus and vice verse. You are confident that there are no secrets between you. He knows that he can tell you anything and you can do the same. Your intimacy and sex life is satisfying, frequent, and fulfilling. You have fun together and look forward to being together.
I know that this all sounds like utopia and unrealistic and every marriage will go through stressors. But, men who are strongly bonded with their wives, have good and open communication, who know that they can tell their wives anything, and have a regular and satisfying sex life, are much less likely to cheat. It's as simple as that.
When Is It Stress Or Preoccupation And When Is It Cheating?: Many women will write to me and say that they are starting to get a weird vibe from their husband. Something seems off, he's gone a lot more, he's distant and cold, and the wife begins to suspect that maybe there is something going on. I'm often asked how do you know if your husband is just under a lot of stress or if this is something more. My answer is usually that you have to look at things from a distance in their totality.
What I mean by this is that if your husband is just grouchy or needs some down time and then is in every other way normal and attentive, then he could just be having a string of bad days. But, if this becomes a pattern and you begin to see this "stress" bleed into other areas of your life, and additional things don't make sense to you or ring alarm bells, then it probably wouldn't hurt to dig a little deeper.
Believe it or not, sometimes it's easier to tell if he IS cheating than if he is not. There are cheap and easy systems and software than can monitor what's going on with his computer and his phone. If something is wrong, you'll know it. If everything is innocent, you'll know that too and can move on. And no one has to be the wiser. I learned this lesson the hard way. You can read my very personal story at http://catch-the-cheating.com/.